Week 21: Low Self-Esteem

This week's Bible reading plan is as follows:

* Sunday: 1 Samuel 26:1-28:25; John 11:1-54; Psalm 117:1-2; Proverbs 15:22-23
* Monday: 1 Samuel 29:1-31:13; John 11:55-12:19; Psalm 118:1-18; Proverbs 15:24-26
* Tuesday: 2 Samuel 1:1-2:11; John 12:20-50; Psalm 118:19-29; Proverbs 15:27-28
* Wednesday: 2 Samuel 2:12-3:39; John 13:1-30; Psalm 119:1-16; Proverbs 15:29-30
* Thursday: 2 Samuel 4:1-6:23; John 13:31-14:14; Psalm 119:17-32; Proverbs 15:31-32
* Friday: 2 Samuel 7:1-8:18; John 14:15-31; Psalm 119:33-48; Proverbs 15:33
* Saturday: 2 Samuel 9:1-11:27; John 15:1-27; Psalm 119:49-64; Proverbs 16:1-3

Scripture: 1 Samuel 28:15
"Why have you disturbed me by calling me back?" Samuel asked. "Because I am in deep trouble," Saul replied. "The Philistines are at war with us, and God has left me and won't reply by prophets or dreams. So I have called for you to tell me what to do."

Observation:
This passage in scripture is somewhat obscure, mainly because Saul, who is desperate, commits evil by calling up the spirit of the deceased prophet Samuel through a medium. You might argue whether or not it is even possible to consult someone who has died, but the truth is that God warns not to do these things in Deuteronomy 18:11. Apparently these things did happen, and judging from the response of the particular woman (medium) in this story, I believe she did call forth the spirit of Samuel.

Samuel asks Saul why he has called him back, and Saul tells him he is in deep trouble. Saul rightly concludes that God has left him, and Samuel reiterates this is indeed the case because Saul did not obey the Lord (vs. 18). He also tells Saul that he and his sons will die the next day, and they will be where he is. This news drains every last bit of energy out of Saul.

Application
When reading through the passages in 1 Samuel in the past week, it struck me that Saul most likely had a very low self-esteem. When Samuel tells Saul he will be king, he replies: "But I'm only from Benjamin, the smallest tribe in Israel, and my family is the least important of all the families of that tribe! Why are you talking like this to me?" (1 Samuel 9:21). Then later, when he is anointed as king, some men despised him and refused to bring him gifts, saying "How can this man save us?" Saul ignores them.

Saul felt lowly of himself, and I believe that continued to hunt him throughout his life. When David defeats the giant and later on defeats every Philistine army he encounters, Saul becomes jealous of David, because the women are singing "Saul defeats his thousands, but David his tens thousands". (18:7). Instead of rejoicing over David's success, which would have been a more godly response, he becomes jealous. He measures his self-worth against the success of others instead of relying on the fact that his worth is found in God alone.

The only person Saul trusted was Samuel. When Samuel dies, he has no one to rely on. Instead of humbling himself in the sight of the Lord, admitting his guilt and asking for forgiveness, he falls back on his own inadequacies, and even adds to his guilt by calling up Samuel from the dead. As a result, his life is cut off the very next day.

I'm reminded that I should not measure my self-worth against the success of others. When others have success, I need to (and will) rejoice with them. If God gives me the "thousands" and someone else the "ten thousands", my response is to thank the Lord for that other person, and to thank Him for what He has given me.

Prayer:
Dear Lord, I thank you for the fact that you know my innermost being. I thank you that in your eyes I'm worth so much that you would lay down your life just for me. Thank you Lord Jesus for paying that price on our behalf. Help me to always maintain an attitude of gratefulness and thanksgiving, and help me to rejoice with others for their successes. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Have a great week.

Dick